ALONE

I had a dream as a 4 or 5 year old girl that I did not remember until I received an assignment for a college English class to write about an experience that shaped my character. I had no idea... but as I was thinking about this, I relived something that seemed like a dream. I called my mom and asked her if she remembered me telling her about this dream. She did!

One beautiful summer evening when the sweet smell of hot roses and and soft peonies filled the air, I was home alone. The reason I was alone isn't really relevant. But, alone I was. I was dressed in my Sunday best in black shoes, white socks with lace on the top and a pretty dress. I walked from the living room window after I watched my family drive away in an old studebaker station wagon (green and tan) and felt the silent space around my body. I walked into the dining room and noticed that the window had no glass. Just a window sill. Curious, I went over and knelt down on my knees and put my elbows on the window sill and looked up into the sky. In the blue, black sky, swarms of stars and moonbeams shined their reflections upon each other. A pregnant fullness was in this night, that made it different from any other. I was full of peace and light, and my eyes and heart were open wide.

Already enraptured, I watched as Jesus made his way to me from this pure sky space. He didn't speak out loud or move his lips. I only remember his beautiful and kind face and his eyes that were so soft and looking so deeply into mine. He said he had come to visit me and I asked him if he would like some tea. Yes, he said. So I ran and got my little tea set and put it on the window sill. We sat together in this sequined silence and drank our pretend tea. As we sipped from the tiny cups, I was washed by the love in his eyes. His heart melted into mine.

There was just this gazing of his eyes into mine. In this way, he fed me his own love. It seemed like our gaze was all that existed,as I drank it in for what seemed like an eternity.

Whenever "then " was, Jesus sat down his tea cup and told me that it was time for him to go. He said, "There's something I want to tell you...then he paused. He looked even deeper this time, directly and stongly into my little eyes.

"Never be afraid to be alone, because I will always be with you." With that, he left as magically as he came.

As a child, I gazed into photos of Jesus that were large on the walls of our church. They were alive for me. As the preachers words faded into the background, there was Christ knocking on a door to a cottage... such a beautiful, soft door with flowers surrounding it. I couldn't figure out who was on the other side of the door...but my heart came to know the answer...

Written by Karen Ferguson