Outside The Window

FRIDAY, JULY 22, 2011

Outside the Window
I’d like to tell you a little story that is true....

One day, I had completely exhausted all of my usual ways of entertaining myself and I still had time to fill. I had played with my dolls and colored, and God knows what else. So, I decided to sit and look out the window. The next step unfolded quite naturally. I thought that I would experiment to see what something could happen while doing nothing. Something out of nothing! I was very curious about what might happen. But, I had no idea what! So, I turned our big cushy chair around to face the window and sat in it. I decided to just look at the big maple tree in front of our house and sit in the chair. And I waited. I just gazed. I think I had enough faith and curiosity combined to just simply sit and see. I felt empty.

That was the action within non action. I was opening to a possibility. Sitting there felt satisfying enough. And, I began to explore the tree very slowly. I was aware of how clear this picture was. I saw the branches and the different shades of black and the green of the leaves. My vision took in the shape of the leaves, baby leaves and really big ones, their directions hanging on the limb, the different sizes of the branches and twigs and how they were all so unique, like snowflakes. I traced their own path to reach the sun. I was lead to discover the space between the branches and a whole new world within that space. I noticed that I was very still and actively calm. There was a sweet, warm energy flowing in my body and mind.

Then, I began to notice something very interesting. And, very exciting and new! I couldn’t think about it with my mind! I was just allowed to notice it with my experience of what was inside of me and what was outside of me. It was like the window that was separating me and the outside just opened up. And, that openness was the something! The tree and me were having the same experience of “something”! We weren’t two separate things anymore, me and the tree. The “something” that was glistening cool diamonds of light sparkling in the tree and the sky and the branches and leaves was the same cool sweet feeling moving inside my whole body. I could sense myself in the tree and the tree could sense me and we perfectly still together even though the leaves were moving. We were occupying the same space. Just open light and love together, in this endless moment of pure awareness and being. It was all around me, in me, outside of me .and it was all the same. The tree was alive in me. It was in my eyes, my hair, my arms, my whole body, and I was inside of the branches and the trunk and the leaves and all the never-ending spaces in between. One becoming two and two becoming one.

When I experienced this, I felt so happy. I was amazed and very satisfied to know that there really was something in nothing, and that my question had been answered. I was very happy to be alive and grateful to know the secret living in the tree and in me. I didn’t quite know what to do with this information, but there was a completion in just knowing it. I saw the tree , went through it and found the sky on the other side. It was emptiness and it was fullness, simultaneously. Then, I heard my mother call me for lunch.


Written by Karen Ferguson

Graduation and Baby Gnosis

Graduation and Baby Gnosis

I went to a Pre-Kindergarden graduation yesterday for my stepson’s girlfriend’s 5 year old boy.  The boy and I have a sweet connection.  We have been playmates since my stepson came into his life before he was a year old.  Historically, this little boy’s parents despise one another.  Besides his divorced parents, he has two sets of biological grandparents who have all divorced and are with someone else or remarried, an 11 year old half brother whose biological father died when he was three, his father’s second wife and their year old son, and a colorful assortment of aunts and uncles and cousins from both parents as well as his step parent’s parents and their parents.   At the graduation, his mother and father were there with their spouses, parents and children and one or two aunts.  All in all there were around 15 close family members at his graduation.  The hostility between the parents was invisible and silent, but clearly apparent.  When I introduced myself to the boy’s father, I was immediately texted by my stepson describing this person’s past behavior and told to refrain from speaking to him.  It was the “Hatfields and Mccoys” all over again.

The 10 little ones paraded in their rented red caps and gowns.  They sang songs, pledged their allegiance and received their diplomas.  Proud parents videoed and took pictures.  The children were all smiles except for one little girl who kept running to her parents and grandparents for hugs and reassurance and tear wiping.
Even the teachers were sniffling as they talked about each child and what they would miss about each one.  It was my first “kid’s graduation.”  The love in the air was palpable.

I stood in the back as the chairs were filled, and I noticed that my little graduate was focusing on me.  I was resonating with love in the sweetness of the moment..and the little guy had a sweet smile on his lips as he looked at me.  He was gazing into my eyes, and the transmission was occurring naturally between us.  Everything faded around us as we entered the field of pure awareness together.  He was taking in the support of the field and the pure love in this extension and transmission.  We were radiating together in the Heart Essence.  I know there was healing for him in this timeless moment as I felt him in his little freedom and expanse, totally independent of this spectacle before him.  He was finding his own experience of wholeness and happiness.  I could see him filling up.  It was just us in the room in that moment.

Afterwards, this boy’s mother, her sister, my stepson and his parents (my husband and his ex) and me and the grandmother and her boyfriend spouse all met at a restaurant.  He grabbed an open seat beside me on the bench and sat close to me.  We chatted and played and spoke together quietly.  He put his head on my shoulder.  He was resting in the healing space of nonduality that we created together. Baby Gnosis is still alive and well for this little boy.   It was a happy ending to a happy beginning and vice versa.   In September, he will be in Kindergarden.

Spring

Looking deeply into the presence of my own awareness, I at once embody and journey into the material of consciousness as it appears in my body.  I am aware that as I am sitting here in meditation, I can see the thick expanse of an interplay of light and dark and feel sensations of bliss as the centers in my head open.  Like the flowers in my kitchen, I am blossoming .

Empowerments given by a great master, Yangtang Tulke Rinpoche, must be taking root. The seeds were planted in early spring and are being watered in meditation.  A subtle force like a current sweeps through my being, awakening a deeper truth.  My foundation feels more strong and firm, and more beautiful.  What was unknown in the foundation of my being, or in question, or doubt, has been repaired.  What I am really made of, this material of consciousness, is appearing.  It seems like a fine time for refinement.  I welcome the master craftsman from the divine realms who are assisting me in this movement towards more light in my life.

We are building from nothingness to knowingness.  The foundation, and now the walls are going up. They are made with a fabric like a dragonfly fly’s wing, so the breeze can pass through.  I hear the voice of the spirit calling me.  It is a whisper of softness, a vibration that is felt as subtly as this breeze blowing through me. It is calling me to take my seat among the others, and join them as they sit.  At first, one buddha image, then ten, then hundreds, thousands, multiplying, they are everywhere.  They appear as Buddhas, but they feel like me.  They are giving great support, and  filling the house of my being.  The buddhas are very still, colorful and tiny points of light.  They are smiling gently, and awake.  They change from having Buddha's face to my face.  I am in good company.  The visions or gift of Sambhogakaya melts into pure awareness.  Birthing, manifesting, reseeding, and perpetually blossoming as Dharmakaya, the great wheel turns as she reveals her secrets.


written by Karen Ferguson

Honey

Love is like honey.  Yesterday, I was cleaning out my pantry and found a mason jar of honey I bought in Asheville, NC  last year, that I didn’t use very much because it had the whole honeycomb filling it, and I couldn’t get the honey out of the jar without scooping up some of the waxy stuff.  So, I got out a bowl and a strainer and placed the jar of honey on the strainer upside down.  It was a process of waiting for the honey to slowly go through the little holes and down into the bowl.  I was happy to see that my idea was working quite well.  There wasn’t anything to do except be with this process. This sweet nectar was so beautiful, a rich, gorgeous amber color .  When held up to the sunlight, it turned into gold.

The honey was in the jar, along with the messy honeycomb, and I saw the potential of having a nice jar of pure honey sitting on my shelf.  I saw the immediacy of not having to dig through the honey comb.  It was going to be much easier to get a scoopful of honey for my tea.  It would be there, present, within my reach.  Towards the end, I had to mash it with a fork, to push the honey through the comb and extract as much as I could.  The comb was finally dry and my honey was ready for it’s container.

That is the way love is.. a pool of nectar, flawless, pure, sustainable, within reach.  Beautiful like my jar of honey, it sits on the shelf of the pantry, behind closed doors.  It is there all the time, but it is not always in my awareness.  It is only when I think of a nice cup of tea, that it beckons to me..Open the pantry doors, I am sitting on the shelf.  I am here.  I boil the water, get the teabag, and reach for the honey.   It isn’t waxy anymore, it is ready to use, simple.  No effort now, no work, it is smooth and perfect.  My spoon reaches down into the thick amber and goes into my cup, melting, swimming.  It fills the cup, filling the cup of tea with it’s magic.  Drinking it , gratitude somehow comes into my awareness.  Just a simple act of drinking a cup of tea, with a touch of honey from a divine queen bee and her worker bees, I drink it all in.  Love in a cup.  All the work of my honey straining, all of the work of the bees, all of the sunshine and happy days and bees on flowers collecting pollen, skip me down the street.

There was nothing but joy that created a bee, a flower, a spoonful of honey, a cup of tea.  Love is like honey.


written by Karen Ferguson

Mindfulness and Meditation

In order to compare sitting in Mindfulness and sitting in the awareness field beyond the mind in Meditation we might take a look at how we first begin to understand our world from birth.  So much of our passive or receptive learning is acquired in the early formative months and years by simple observation.  Similarly, Mindfulness is an introduction to one’s mind, to the world created within the mind.  We do this practice to gain access to the window of the mind, to learn how to witness or watch our thoughts, feelings, obsessions, super ego bantering, and the rest of the  players on the street of the mind.  It can be torturous, fascinating, and annoying to process but it’s well worth the price to learn “everything anyone ever wanted to know” and more, about the contents of one’s mind.  It also takes great patience.

By adding a little mindfulness to a meditation practice, like a little cream in one’s coffee, the person who is intending meditation can become better equipped to discern the difference between pure awareness and the mind.  However, if we look at our mind continually as a complete meditation practice, it is entirely possible to completely miss the mark. One can wander indefinitely in the land mines of the mind and never reach the pure field of awareness.

This is usually what I have to do in the beginning of my meditation time.  My mind travels a universe full of the stuff of the mind.   It takes a little while to settle down, even though I just go up! I think about how good and hot my coffee is, what my dreams were, what I am doing after I meditate, or my favorite worry.  So, I might use the technique of Mindfulness to let my mind know I’m watching it and see what it’s up to. If it is something that I need to think about, I save it for after I meditate.  Then, when I remember why I’m sitting, I open the window of my mind.  I lean forward into the freshness of pure space, beyond the details of my life.  I feel the openness and allow this sensation to grow naturally.  It is a process of allowing, of gently and gradually opening, like a flower that closes up at night and reopens in the morning.  It opens directly into the light.  We also open to the light of this purity, this spontaneous presence, this mutual recognition that moves one into the experience of oneness.  Once this tiny opening occurs, the light can fill the entire space within the person meditating and even beyond the boundaries of the body.  The heart wants to join in on this process which happens quite magically and on it’s own accord.   It is a tall blessing to be received with deep gratitude, and it continues from the simple analogy of a flower opening, to an ethereal trip into the space of the divine heart, into the world beyond words, into pure love, pure divine light.  It is ablaze with drops of fire, hot in becoming, but cool like liquid diamonds, when they drop blissfully into the heart.  It is sublime, it is wondrous, it is the “raison d’etre” of the meditator.  The invisible chain of the mind, now unbound, allows a direct connection to the source of life itself, what all life is, in it’s most natural essence.


Written by Karen Ferguson

Windows.

Windows are used for many things; protection from the elements, to allow in light, to open for some fresh air, or to afford a view of nature.  Windows can be painted on a wall, to give a sense of openness in a closed room.

If I were to compare the difference of looking through a window and actually going outside, I would be able to feel the elements, the sun or rain, the temperature and the time of day.  I would be able to touch what I could only see through the window.  I could take a breath of fresh air.  So, actually going outside would bring the difference between observing the snow falling from behind the window, and literally feeling the snow falling and melting on my cheeks and eye lashes. On snow days, most  children want to go outside as opposed to sitting by a window, watching all day.   A fast sled ride down a hill, a good snowball fight with your friend.  Catching a snowflake on your tongue is a real experience.  Then, come inside and warm up with some hot cocoa.

The manifestation of appearances is the actual presence-ing of the appearance within the experiencer.  Given that, let’s take another look at our window.  We are so accustomed to windows that we hardly notice them unless they are broken or open when it’s raining.  I often wonder about pure awareness, like a window without glass, naked.  That experience of sheer beingness, the  simmered down essence of who I am at the very core of my being, that experience of unconditional love.   Love of the Self, or the infinite, radiant and simple love of what is.  I wonder as I look through the looking glass, what my experience would be if I could break through the window, smash my concepts, my prejudices, my judgmental, obsessive, meandering mind.  I wonder what it would feel like to fly thru the window and merge with my own truest reality.  But, on the windowsill of my mind, I sit.  Watching, while the other kids play in the snow..

What, I ask, would it be like to see directly into pure awareness, with no boundaries to my vision, inside or out.    Pondering this, I notice that a certain holding on is erased.  I relax.  I might now sense the life in every appearance, I might see things for what they really are, and feel part of this mandala of my life, or my circumstances in the moment.  As I gaze into the clarity of the light before me, a divine experience of beauty arises.  A feeling of luminous, absolute stillness pulsates within, something like a top that is spinning so fast that it looks perfectly still.  I feel a warm glowing energy.  Thru the windowless window, a frame which was holding the picture or projection of my mind, disappears . Now, what is manifesting is part of me, I am not just sitting and watching, witnessing from behind this old pane of glass.  There is no glass, no window, and nothing but clear and unbounded skies ahead.  Windows open and close.  Life begins and ends, people come and go, and the ever changing mandala glistens, like snow falling gently, creating a blanket of white light and peace.  Being so, the heart, magically,  finds her home.


written by Karen Ferguson